Having children diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorders can be a challenge at all stages of development. During the child years, both male and females go through hormonal changes. These changes can bring emotional and physical barriers, adding to the already difficult burden of the symptoms related to their disorder; for girls, menstruation and for boys, voice alterations and hair growth. Both genders will also be exposed to social changes and increased academic expectations. It is important for parents to be highly involved in their growth and behavioral, social, and cognitive development in order to make their child years the smoothest transition to adulthood as possible.
Middle school is one of the toughest transitioning events of all. That is why I will try my best to guide you through all of the steps necessary to make your experience a successful and even an enjoyable one!
Parenting your ASD Child through Social and Academic Changes
Social Issues
As a parent, you need to be prepared to deal with the issues of peers. You need to be a strong model and influence for your child so that he/she can overcome the tribulations of middle school. Their symptomatic differences in behavior are many times the cause teasing, and bullying. As expected a child with ASD will be more negatively affected than other typically developing children, who also get their share of these aversive teenager routines.
The fact that individuals with ASD are not keen on social interaction contributes to their alienation from their peers. Getting them appropriate intervention through pragmatic language therapy can build the bridge between a lack of a social networking to making and keeping friends.
As a parent, you could play a vital role of your child’s progress. Try keeping a log of the child’s limitations so that they can be improved in a therapeutic environment via social scripts and reenacting of scenes.
Problem solving skills are also deficient in these children and are essential to survival in this more grown up world. Language therapy can teach your child to either problem solve a solution and compensate for their difficulty when it comes to social conflicts.
Academic Issues
You must become very involved in your child’s academic progress. Be proactive in his/her studies and speak frequently to his/her teachers as well. Make sure your concerns are addressed and documented at IEP (individual education plan) meetings.
Here are some simple steps to ensure academic success:
1. Make sure that you know what subjects your child is enrolled in. Take part in choosing the subjects and the academic grade of the classes that your child is in. Don’t let the diagnosis dictate the setting. If your child functions at an age appropriate level, they should be mainstreamed for this subject.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for accommodations. Your child may need to special seating or a one-on-one paraprofessional to aid them with taking notes and following through on directions.
3. Establish a good relationship with the teachers. Ask for their weekly plans and for homebound copy of the class textbook, so that you and their therapy team can be equipped to support them in school. This will ensure success in the classroom.
4. Do not wait when negative situations arise. Although the educational team meets annually. If your child is failing a subject, encountering social challenges or is confronted with professionals not trained to help them succeed, only your voice can ‘make a difference’, so speak up and do not be shy.
Case Study on Bullying
Here is a sad story of a child with ASD who is confronted with text messaging bullying. The parent discovered a change in their son’s behavior and checked his phone for more information. What they found was bullying messages. A different method would have been to ask him about what kind of topics he was conversing about with his friends. Luckily, she found the problem early enough to correct it and avoid additional unnecessary conflict.
To read the full story on text bullying, please visit: http://adhdguide.blogspot.com/2010/04/texting-adhd-disaster.html#comment-form
Communicating with your Child
Ask your child frequent questions, but do not overwhelm. Let them trust you by trusting them to speak and you will be surprised at how much information they are willing to share.
Please check the following blog on communication styles, in order to help you understand how to better communicate with this now young adult that you are faced with.
Prepping Your Child for Middle School
As your child approaches the “big day” you should think of ways in which you can prepare them for what to expect. Sit down with you child and talk to them about school, peers, teachers, and their expectations of the day.
Talking to your child about their new gained independence can help give them a positive image of the underlying hardships that are involved in growing up. In middle school you no longer have the same teacher for every subject, you switch professors depending on the class. This can be a scary image to your child. On a positive note, with appropriate practice in social skills, this is the perfect situation for socialization in between classes as you walk through the hallways.
Parents, most importantly you need to teach your child about respect for others and self-respect, along with what to do in certain negative situations. Unfortunately, individuals with ASD and other difficulties are at an increased probability for verbal, emotional, and/or physical abuse them. Offenders see them as easier targets due to their language and social limitations. Make sure you explain to your child the importance of self-respect and if someone inappropriately touches or handles them, they need to tell someone immediately.
Final Thoughts
Good parenting skills such being a good listener and empathy are vital during these years. However, remember that even though you are supportive parents, you are still “the parent”, and the main authority figure. You should be treated with the respect and love you deserve.
We know that it is difficult to raise a child and a strong support system is just as important as an informed parent. If you ever feel overwhelmed, you should contact a close friend, family member or a specialist for comfort and/or support.
Although this transition makes you apprehensive, keep in mind that you son/daughter is flourishing into the beautiful young adult, that you have helped them become. Trust yourself that you have done well parenting and that they can make good decisions and make you proud. We are proud of both of you for what you have accomplished.
Worthwhile Reads on ASD & Childs:
Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum: What Parents and Professionals Should Know About the Pre-child and Childage Years, written by Shana Nichols, Gina Marie Moravcik, and Samaara Pulver Tetenbaum.
This book, talks about all the things girls feel when going through puberty including making and breaking friendships, boyfriends, and family ties. It also provides advice for parents, family, professionals, and teacher on how to help ASD child age girls.
Middle School- The Stuff Nobody Tell You About: A Childage Girl With ASD Shares Her Experiences, written by Haley Moss
Written as a personal account on the experiences she encountered, Haley Moss is an autistic girl who is currently in High School. She wrote this book, in her own words to share with the world her experiences with autism and middle school. She talks about fitting in and how she made friends and did well in school. She not only wrote this book, but also illustrated it.
Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum: A Parent’s Guide to the Cognitive, Social, Physical, and Transition Needs of Childagers with Autism Spectrum Disorders, written by Chantal Sicile-Kira, and foreworded by Temple Grandin
Chantal Sicile-Kira is the author of the award-winning book, Autism Spectrum Disorders. Adolescents on the Autism Spectrum, is a guide for parents on how to help their child deal with the cognitive, emotional, social, and physical needs. She covers an array of topics that will definitely advocate to better parenting and guidance.
